When two people build a life together, they also build a financial story often filled with mixed emotions, mismatched money habits, and moments of misunderstanding. Advisers who can bridge those differences not only help couples find financial harmony but also strengthen relationships for life. Discover why “fighting better” about money might just be the secret to lasting wealth and love and how you can guide couples to make values-aligned decisions together.
How Financial Advisers Can Better Work with Couples
Money says Fidelity Investments, is one of the most common sources of relationship tension, with one in five couples saying it’s their biggest challenge. For advisers, helping couples navigate these tensions isn’t just about managing money, it’s about helping two people communicate, compromise, and collaborate toward shared goals.
1. Understand Each Partner’s Money Story
Every partner brings unique experiences into a relationship. As author Emily Koochel notes, each person has been “socialised” by family, culture, and past experiences to think differently about money Advisers can uncover these influences by asking open-ended questions such as:
- “What is your biggest financial concern?”
- “What do you admire about your partner’s money habits?”
These simple questions above spark meaningful conversation and reveal unspoken assumptions.
2. Engage Both Partners Equally
Consultant and author Julie Littlechild suggests reframing couples as a CEO and COO team: one focuses on the vision (the “why”) and the other on execution (the “how”). Advisers should ensure both voices are heard by holding joint annual “family vision” meetings and separate review meetings when needed. Engagement builds buy-in and ensures both partners feel ownership of the plan.
3. Address Risk and Behavioural Differences
Research from Capital Preferences found that 5–10% of couples have at least one partner with incoherent risk preferences inconsistent or contradictory attitudes toward risk and reward (Striegel, 2023). This can create compliance issues and planning friction. Using behavioural tools, advisers can measure each partner’s risk tolerance and decision consistency to design balanced strategies that reflect both comfort levels.
4. Normalise Conflict
Conflict over money is inevitable but it doesn’t have to be destructive. As academic and author Meghaan Lurtz notes, “We’re going to fight about money… The focus must be ‘Let’s learn to fight better.’” Advisers can help by staying neutral, practicing active listening, and guiding couples toward collaborative rather than compromised solutions.
5. Link Money to Shared Values
Couples who discuss and align their financial values tend to have stronger relationships. Advisers can facilitate this through exercises like values cards or each completing a Financial Health Check helping clients connect money with meaning.
Conclusion
When advisers listen deeply, use behavioural insights, and create a safe space for dialogue, they become more than planners, they become partners in helping couples build trust, purpose, and prosperity together.
References
- Archuleta, K. (2013) ‘Couples, Money, and Expectations: Negotiating Financial Roles,’ Marriage & Family Review, 49(5), pp. 391–411.
- Capital Preferences (2023) The Hidden Danger of Couples with Incoherent Risk Preferences.
- eMoney Advisor (2023) Candid Conversations: Couples, Money, and Conflict.
- Fidelity Investments (2021) Couples & Money Study.
- Koochel, E., Astle, N. & Markham, M. (2020) ‘Treating Financial Conflict in Couples Through a
- Bowenian Lens,’ Contemporary Family Therapy, 42(1), pp. 77–83.
- Littlechild, J. (2022) A New Way of Thinking About Engaging Couples.
- Lurtz, M. (2022) in Candid Conversations: Couples, Money, and Conflict.
